Welcome to Michael's Article Collection

Keeping Love Alive

When I was 24 years old I fell madly in love. I was madly in love for three weeks, and then spent the next 30 years struggling to regain and maintain that wonderful feeling. In the course of my long marriage and in the 35 years I’ve been counseling individuals and couples, I’ve learned what it takes to keep love alive and what diminishes the feelings and experience of love.The concept of what i. . .

Check Your Comfort Zone At The Door

No matter what goals and dreams you desire, there's a good chance it's going to mean reaching beyond what you believe yourself to be capable of.This fine line between what we think we can achieve and cannot is often referred to as one's comfort zone.Whether it's giving a report in class, or preparing to make a speech to the board of directors at your company -- we all have a point where we begi. . .

Run Your Own Race - At Your Own Pace

On Thanksgiving Day, dawn spills over Dana Point Harbor where thousands of runners gather for the annual Turkey Trot. The largest holiday race in California beckons folks of all ages, sizes, shapes, and abilities. Waiting at the starting line for the 10-K, I talk to a Dad and his 7 year-old daughter. Around me, I hear bravado talk about marathons, triathlons, hard bodies and zippo fat content. . . .

Celebrate Togetherness, Not Resentments

When we get together with family, especially during this hectic time of year, we often find old childhood hurts, feelings, and reactions popping up. We regress; we even lose some of our identity as independent adults. The end result is that a holiday that is supposed to be a celebration of gratitude, fellowship, and giving becomes an ordeal.It doesn't have to be that way. Here are a few quick h. . .

Holiday Intentions

Over the course of the last 2,000 or so years, we've managed to cram our three biggest holidays into the space of about six weeks. We don't spread them out so that we can savor each event. Instead, we choose a time of year in which the weather is likely to be lousy (at least in the Northern Hemisphere), and cram parties, travel, feasts, and loads of stress all into a short period of time. No wo. . .

Healing The Abandonment Wounds

I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published books. Every individual I’ve worked with has had some abandonment wound to heal, and most relationship problems stem from abandonment wounds. It is not possible to grow up in our society without some abandonment wounds. The following are some of the ways it can occur: Being t. . .

Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?

How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining our integrity and bending our values? Most relationships require us to bend to a certain extent, but how much can we bend with. . .

How to Get Motivated and Have Industrial Strength Self-Mo...

It is not your fault if popular self-help courses have never worked for you over the long term. How to get motivated is not adequately dealt with. Why? Because generally speaking there are problems with the material you have read and listened to in these courses: To appeal to a wider audience the self-help experts often leave out the more complex and the more powerful concepts and techniques - . . .

A Global Empathy Deficit- 2 Lessons

"...We've got a budget deficit that's important, we've got a trade deficit that's critical, but what I worry most is our empathy deficit.” – Interview in O Magazine with Barack Obama.Perhaps this is not only a US national concern but a global crisis: people are dividing into camps and fighting one another with no mention of sitting down to dialogue. We, as global human beings living on a shrink. . .

Ten Tips for a "Real" Holiday Season

Holidays and the start of a new year inevitably make us think about how we can improve ourselves, and have the life we want in the future. We make resolutions - I must lose weight, I will save more money - and then lose our way. That's because we aren't matching our resolutions with who we are inside. We're more likely to succeed if we work on discovering our inner, Real selves, appreciate who . . .

Five Principals for Prosperity

Many years ago, forty to be exact, I started my own business at the tender age of nineteen. The street markets in and around Manchester England was my happy hunting ground. Every day was an adventure and despite the weather and difficulties of getting a stall on the street market, life was always fun and enjoyable. There was always some comical incident, even when I had to stand in the pouring . . .

How Can I Get My Partner To Change?

How much energy do you spend trying to get what you want from your partner? Think about it for a moment - how much of your thinking time is spent on what to say to your partner to get him or her to be the way you want him or her to be?Many of us spend a lot of time thinking about how to get what we want from our partner - how to get our partner to open up, be more caring, see us, love us, pay a. . .

Fight, Flight, or Loving Action

Fight or flight - our automatic response to danger. When fear is present, adrenaline pours into our system to prepare us to fight or flee - from the tiger, the bear, the lava from the volcano…. Fight or flight - today we automatically respond this way to the present dangers, the deep fears that come up in relationships: rejection and engulfment - fears of loss of other and loss of self.Often, w. . .

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

The Hasidic master, Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach taught that on Passover night we are bringing our entire life stories to the Seder table to be freed. What exactly does this mean? To begin with, we are by nature, storytellers. Whether we are aware of it or not, we live in a world of stories. Stories that we tell our family, friends, coworkers, and clients. Stories we share over the phone, e-mail. . .

Life Gets Teejus, Don’t It?

Those five words are from a song that I remember hearing a long time ago. It may even be the song’s title. I dunno. For those of you who don’t speak casual English, the word “teejus” can be translated to “tedious”. Somehow it just doesn’t have the same impact though. I think I’ll just stick with teejus…Life does have a tendency to get teejus, doesn’t it? Sometimes it’s our work, sometimes the f. . .

Powerful Communication:Language: The Key that Opens or Cl...

What prevents people from using their native language or secondary languages confidently comes down to seven traps that most people fall into.Language is one of the things that sets us apart as beings, one of the things that essentially defines us as humans. When language is used well it can elicit very deep feeling in others, motivate others to action and define the nature of our relationships. . .

What Does it Take to Make Life Better?

What does it take for you to pay attention?You’ve probably heard this said, or said it yourself sometime, “I just realised how precious life is.” Maybe you heard it when a relative died or maybe you said it after an accident or some other emotional event, but did you stop to consider the grander meaning to what you say… What if every experience in your life is sent to you so you can understand . . .

Say "YES" to Life!

Lately, all we've been hearing is to say, "NO" to so many things. Say no to carbs, saturated fat, Vioxx, etc. The list goes on and on. I do understand saying "NO" to unreasonable demands on your life, but saying "YES" brings so much more to your life. Wouldn't that make life less stressful? We are approaching a new year, why not start it succesfully. It's time to make a commitment to start s. . .

Linguaphone Language Learning Solutions

Language Training is integral to success in the International setting. It is increasingly recognized as a key element in assignment success. The ability to communicate in the local language of International colleagues and clients facilitates relationship building and fosters an atmosphere of credibility and trust. Knowledge of the local language gives international assignees a more thorough un. . .

MISTAKES

Don’t worry about making mistakes.Everyone makes mistakes.Why should you be different.The person who never made a mistake, never made anything.Mistakes can be costly. They can also be educational.Look upon your mistakes as an asset.Life is a learning process. Learn from your mistakes.Profit from them and you will not only make more money, you will also become a better person.You must face the f. . .

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 29, 2004I have been married 25 years. We come from completely different backgrounds. I grew up in a large family in a small town, and we were poor. My husband is an only child, privileged, and he was given everything by his parents. This continued throughout all our married life.The house we moved into, against my wishes, is theirs. It was ". . .

Love and Light

Seems that everyone who writes to me signs their letters "love and light." It has such a bright uplifting sound to it. Lightworkers are being taught to hold the energy of the light and to equate love with a warm white light that heals and protects. After what feels like an age of suppression and darkness, it all sounds like such a refreshing change, much like the first bits of sunlight after. . .

Five Simple Ways to Organize Your Closet Today

Do you have an overstuffed, bulging closet (or two) full of clothes, and yet wear the same three or four outfits repeatedly? Do you have few clothes and despair every time you put something on because you know it just does not look quite right? Would you like to be able to wear EVERYTHING you have in your closet? And know that you look good every time you do?Renu Dalal-Jain, a certified image c. . .

If There's Money in a Dead Mouse...

My 4 year old son was very excited. I had promised him to tell a wonderful story tonight. As usual, I got engrossed in my work till late evening when I suddenly remembered about my promise. I hurriedly searched my personal library to find a suitable story for my loved one. But, what I found astonished me... I'd never read that book before. I might have bought it a couple of years ago but never . . .

The Doomsday Device ... The Physical Brain In Action

Our physical brains quickly and easily handle mundane sequences of operations, or "processes" without question. It repeats processes like a machine: A»B»C»...»Z». Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines the word "process" to mean "a series of actions, operations, or motions involved in the accomplishment of an end". Heartbeat, breathing, and digestion are processes that occur without a single thou. . .

What Have You Done For YOU Lately?

Is there a better, free invention than the 'to-do' list? How many of you use to-do lists? If you're organized and motivated enough to start (or even consider starting) a new business, I'll bet you not only use to-do lists, but have one within arm's length right now. Am I right? I'll admit that sometimes I get carried away. Don't tell anyone, but I've even put important items on the list that I . . .

Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility

Emotional dependency means getting one’s good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within. Who or what do you believe is responsible for your emotional wellbeing?There are numerous forms of emotional dependency: Dependence on substances, such as food, drugs, or alcohol, to fill emptiness and take away pain. Dependency on processes such as s. . .

Do You Experience God?

Connor, a man in his late 40’s, has achieved everything he ever thought he needed to feel happy and secure. He owns a successful business, has a wonderful wife and two children, and a beautiful home. Yet when you look at him, he doesn’t look happy. He looks empty, with no sense of vibrancy about him.His wife, Brianna. also has everything she ever wanted – a husband, children, financial security. . .

What Causes Holiday Stress?

The holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration when friends and families get together to share food, fun, gifts, and love. They are supposed to be a time of giving, caring and connection when we celebrate important and meaningful events.Why, then, are they often so stressful and what can we do to make them more fun and peaceful?Changing the holiday season from stressful to peaceful depen. . .

Empty Nest Syndrome

Paula’s last child had just gone off to college and Paula was struggling with a deep inner emptiness. While she knew this day was coming, she was not really prepared for the intense hollowness that welled up within. After all, she had a life of her own. Her work as an occupational therapist, which she had gone back to after all her three children were in school, was fulfilling to her. She was f. . .

The American Dream – At What Cost?

When people are asked, “How many of you are content and happy with what you have?” the reply of an overwhelming majority of people is “Not me.” And when they are asked what do they want most out of life, the typical reply is “I want to be happy,” as if happy is some kind of a place, like Disneyland or Happy Land. But happiness is not a destination. It’s a process. In fact, happiness is not even. . .

The Best Way to Pick Up a Girl

You see her across the room. Ah, so attractive. But nobody to introduce her to you. 'Ah, I'll do a James Bond on her,' you think. Now what was Bond's first words to Pussy Galore? 'I must be dreaming.' No, that won't work. How about singing 'Underneath the Mango Tree' to her as Bond did to Honey Rider in 'Dr. No'. Ah? No! Well, what's left? You'll just have to go up and talk to her, if it's a si. . .

The Magic Ratio of Positive and Negative Moments

According to the Nobel Prize-winning scientist Daniel Kahneman, each day we experience approximately 20,000 moments. A moment is defined as a few seconds in which our brain records an experience. The quality of our days is determined by how our brains recognize and categorize our moments—either as positive, negative, or just neutral. Rarely do we remember neutral moments. There is no question t. . .

How to Gain a Good Self-Esteem - the Easy Way

Need more self-esteem? - I thought so. Just about all of us would like to see some degree of improvement in the way we perceive ourselves. If only there was a magic pill that would make us feel bold, smart, rich, beautiful, and cute all at the same time. Yet, this priceless treasure called self-esteem seems to be elusive and volatile. To make matters worse, everybody else seems to have it in ab. . .

7 Ways to Defang Difficult People

Difficult people are on the hunt for a quarrel. It’s not personal, usually. It’s just that you happen to be the most convenient target. Difficult people are insecure. They want YOU think and live like THEY think and live. Misery indeed loves company. They feel better if you are tense and unhappy. What can you do to instantly neutralize their negativity? You cannot stop them from being difficult. . .

Body Jewelry: An Unusual Way Of Enhancing The Beauty Of Y...

Since ancient times body jewelry has been a part of the culture and heritage of different religions. It has been known to be an essential part of the clothing and appearance of the people in many regions of the world. At different parts of time through the centuries it was also used to signify the class demarcations prevalent in society at that point of time. How ever in recent times it has acq. . .

The Importance of Aligning Your Personal Goals With Your ...

Would you like to be sure that your personal goals are consistent with your business goals? (Yes) (No) You might have certain personal goals that are, or become, divergent to your business goals. For instance, let's say that you set clear personal goals to compete in the Iron Man Triathlon in Hawaii. Obviously, to compete in an arduous event like this you not only have to train rigorously, but . . .

Different New-Year's Resolution - Pass-It-Forward

Every 12 months, as the New-Year rolls around, we all brag about our New-Year's Resolutions. With inflated chests and with all the authority we can muster, we announce to any and every available ear, that we're going to lose weight, stop drinking and smoking so much, as well as spend more time with our family, in addition to investing more time down at the gym. Mostly our vision extends no fur. . .

A Bellyful of Mindfulness

Taco Bell, a huge Mexican fast-food franchise, has a new ad campaign focusing on the slogan, "Get full." The commercials show people ecstatically announcing that they are full--thanks, of course, to the huge value meals now available at Taco Bell. We know that feeling full isn't simply a matter of building a bigger, better burrito. There's a whole lotta emptiness going on, and it's not always f. . .

Be Grateful for Gratitude

In Twelve Step meetings, it’s traditional to groan when someone says, “Let’s have a gratitude meeting.” People don’t like to talk or think about what they’re grateful for. It’s not in our nature. We’re more tuned to what’s going wrong than what’s going right. We can’t help it. The cave men who sat around and admired how white the teeth on the saber toothed tiger were, didn’t last long enough to. . .

Your Support Network

Quick. Who’s in your support network? Huh? What’s a support network? Do I have a support network? Honey, who’s in my support network? Your support network is that group of people you can go to with problems, questions, to vent, to cry on their shoulders. Friends, for starters. Who are your close friends? Are they available to you when you need them? If they’re not, why aren’t you looking for di. . .

Doing Your Life's Work

Most people want to do their life’s work. Some people are able to separate work completely from life and be happy doing anything, but this is not the norm. I once knew a man who managed things for a living. He’d managed a restaurant for several years, seen an ad in the paper, and become manager of a print shop. He didn’t particularly like the job, but he didn’t hate it. And I will never forget . . .

Do You Have Your Best Life?

For many years I had a good life. My illness was reasonably under control, I had a nice relationship with my husband, I did work I didn’t hate. It was, as I said, a good life.But there’s a saying that the good is the enemy of the best. I finally realized this one day, and began making my best life. I changed doctors and got on new medication that completely relieved my symptoms, rather than jus. . .

What's Simple?

If you walk up to a stranger in the grocery store and ask them to define “simple,” as in “simple life,” they’ll probably say something like “having less stuff.” Or they might hit you with a frozen turkey. But probably they’ll associate simple with stuff.The thing is that simple is not about how much or how little you have. You can have all the stuff you want and have a simple life. That’s the k. . .

What Do You Want This Year?

Christmas is all around us, and many people are making up wish lists. Those who aren’t doing that are busy setting down their New Year’s Resolutions already. But this is a good time to sit down and do some serious introspection.What do you want from the holidays this year? Do you want to rush around, spend a lot of money you don’t have, and yell at the kids for not playing with all twenty of th. . .

Your Growing Edge

You’ve probably heard the term “leading edge” used to refer to technology or products that are in front of the curve, that are really advanced. You may have even heard the term “bleeding edge” in this context. I want to talk to you about your personal “leading edge,” your growing edge.Your growing edge is that area of your life where there’s still a lot of room for improvement but you’re pushin. . .

When Failure is a Gift

I wanted, for many many years, to be a mystery writer. Finally I wrote a mystery novel. I got a best-selling novelist to be my mentor and help me with the rewrite. I got an agent. They sent the book out. And sent it out. And sent it out. And it went nowhere.I tried writing another book, and my mentor told me to dump it and start a third book. I did, but couldn’t get into the idea and the book n. . .

Five Minutes Before the Miracle

Even though this article was next on my idea list, and I write them in order whether I want to or not, I REALLY didn’t want to write this article. Why not? Because it’s about not giving up five minutes before the miracle—and I’m in the process of doing just that.I won’t go into a lot of details, but there’s something I really want, that I thought was within my grasp. I found out a few hours ago. . .

Passion or Purpose?

I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately. I hate having to be controlled, mature, and disciplined. I don't want to moderate how much I eat or drink. I don't want to be moderate with sex, or playing, or vacations. I don't want to moderate what I say for fear it will offend. I don't want to do what's "good for me." I DO want to have a second piece of pie because it tastes good. Sometimes. . .

The ‘Stand-Out’ Principle

Think for a moment about all the people you know that Stand Out from their peers.Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Tiger Woods may come to mind. Singers like Madonna, Paul McCartney, Pavarotti, Ray Charles, Ella Fitzgerald. Actors like Tom Cruise, Betty Davis, Merrill Streep: so many names – so many standouts.The question then becomes, How is it or what is it about people like these, that make . . .