Welcome to Michael's Article Collection

If I threw an Armegeddon, Would Anyone Show?

Some thought I was a mushroom the first time I came around. I wonder what they will think of me when I return this time. Probably a bottle of cheap wine, or Vodka. Depends on which nationality will be asked. In some communities I could be mistaken for a bad epidemic of crack houses.Too get those starry eyes everyone in the world thinks I will have, as by all those movies depicting me, I would h. . .

A Real Hajj Pajj

It is incumbent upon every Muslim man and woman to once in their life make Hajj, pilgrimage to Islam’s holiest site, the Kaaba, a granite cubed building inside of the enormous Masjid al Haram outdoor Mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Allah commanded that the Kaaba be built on Earth to reflect God’s House in Heaven. The Kaaba was built by Adam, while Eve was speaking to Satan.This years Hajj just e. . .

Much too Grand of a Story for Us Now

Now Lynn who thought she was Queen Elizabeth was Couch sitting after being evicted. Carol, the one who probally is Queen Elizabeth but does not know it or want to believe it if it was true. An interesting fact with all the tobacco legislation in the news within the last five years is, Queen Elizabeth started the trade in the colonies in that life and in this one helped put an end to it by leadi. . .

Magical Yahoo Readings

I should of stayed with Quick!I went back to Salem, the Witch city, where I previously lived for twelve years. But after one immature 40 year old, an eight hour walk, a year in a two bedroom apartment alone, Mr. Jeckyl and Mr Hyde Landlord, a friend of ten years accusing me of rape, an accident from three years ago suing, my paintings vandalized, a half pack of cigarettes, and partridge in a pe. . .

Fashion Do's and Don'ts on E! TV -- No More Scrunchies

Okay, I don't usually watch E! TV, and my boyfriend watches it even less, but when I went in to the living room last night, to my astonishment he was watching the TOP 50 Fashion Do's and Don'ts. The show was well done, with some wry humor here and there, and managed to keep my interest. But I was saddened by one of their fashion don'ts -- the schrunchie.Now how the hell am I going to wear my ha. . .

The Superior Mind -- Man vs. Mouse

I’ve never thought of myself as a brave man, but it’s nice to know if you’ll be able to handle yourself in a dangerous situation. One morning on my drive to work such an occasion occurred. I was cruising down the road and singing off-key to the radio when I suddenly had the gut wrenching feeling that I wasn’t alone. I could sense the presence of evil even before I saw the black, beady eyes and . . .

Why IS it that... I'd like to cleaver June Cleaver?

If I see one more Leave It to Beaver re-run, I might just use the Cleaver family name against them. The very civility of their lifestyle, as orchestrated by the family matriarch, makes this modern housewife look as pale as June’s polished porcelain. And it’s got me thinking that we girls ought to block her out via V-Chip before our husbands realize just how good Ward had it. If we’re not carefu. . .

Our Baby: The Grap

My wife and I are only about six weeks into this pregnancy thing and we're still trying to wrap our heads around this whole idea of having a baby, though we have wildly different thoughts on the subject. I'm worried about whether or not we'll be able to handle the financial and moral responsibilities of bringing a child into the world. My wife is mostly worried about passing something the siz. . .

E-Cards- The X-Age Medium To Express Your Emotions!

Gone are the old days of perspiring in a card gallery to choose the nearest appropriate message to convey to your dear one on the varied occasions of life. This is an era which Introduces E-Cards. This now makes it easy and fun to send a customized message and song — a great way to tell someone you care. E-Cards helps people connect and express themselves in a fun and easy way. Today E-Cards ar. . .

Will Brokeback Mountain Bring New Jeans Fashion Awareness...

You have heard about the epic love story set against the sweeping vistas of Wyoming and Texas, Brokeback Mountain tells the story of two young men - a ranch-hand and a rodeo cowboy - who meet in the summer of 1963, and unexpectedly forge a lifelong connection, one whose complications, joys and tragedies provide a testament to the endurance and power of love.Now a friend did just ask me "don't y. . .

Winning Ways at Interviews

Marketing communications copywriter Charlie Trumpess takes a humorous look at how best to tackle that age old terror, the job interview. Let’s face it, job interviews are about as much fun as a hot wax with no anaesthetic. After all, attempting to showcase your talents to a bunch of strangers, usually against the clock and on someone else’s turf is not a natural act. Nevertheless, if you real. . .

Going Public

A recent welcome break in routine saw me on an airplane to Philadelphia. This destination may not be everyone's idea of a restful spot, but I happen to like the big city. Philadelphia, with its wonderful historical sites comfortably settled in a busy urban center, is a rather pleasant venue in which to spend a few days. When I travel, with the exception of a long car journey, I purposely do not. . .

Ebony and Greenery

Bell had followed him home. After a night of forty year old leaches in polyester groping her through thick clouds of stale cigar smoke at the Howard Johnson on route 60, she followed this tall stranger home. She was on business travelling for this dot.com company that was about to fold at any moment. She was reduced from nights at the Ritz Carlton to rooms that the bed rolled down sunken v-. . .

Eternal Wit

Whoever said, "You can't take it with you" was obviously not referring to a sense of humor ...Here is a list of actual epitaphs from departed souls who clearly had more to say than the time to say it, or from their next of kin, who wanted to be sure they literally had the last word:On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:Here liesEzekial AikleAge 102The Good Die Yo. . .

Viking Trekkies

History weaves its influence into pop culture via many avenues ...One of the strangest is the Viking influence on Star Trek, especially The Next Generation.Ever since that series found the airwaves, I've often wondered if one or more of its writers were descended from peoples who endured raids from the North and then used this show to exact their version of revenge.I've always been interested i. . .

Darwinism Gone Wild

I have been unable to verify the claim that this essay was written in a prestigious publication, but it is a witty use of twisted logic ..."Please make sure your read this carefully. It may change the way you think about your life and career."The following is an actual excerpt from a past issue Forbes Magazine:"A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is. . .

"Angry Chicken" Disease Peril to Chicken Soup Industry

NEW YORK, NY - The first suspected case of angry chicken disease in the United States was reported Tuesday and threatens to devastate the country's $98 billion chicken soup industry.A Holstein chicken from a farm in Manhattan was found to have the disease. The Upper West Side breed is known to have a short temper to begin with all chicken farms in the area were put on alert.The Agriculture Depa. . .

New York City is the Center of the Universe

New York, NY - It was discovered yesterday that New York is, indeed, the center of the Universe. Pooling the resources of the American Astrophysics Association, NASA, and We Are The World (NYC, that is), the four-year study analyzed the gravitational pull of the Universe and other factors."So?," asked Mike Spano, 23, from SoHo, "This is news? I've been telling everyone this for years."Dr.John S. . .

Similarity Breeds Comedy

My last piece I talked about associating or pairing up opposites to produce funny ideas. Now we associate SIMILARITY or CONGRUITY; by puting the same or similar objects, person or animals together to engender laughter.One good example is a pair of identical twins or two person wearing the same clothes. They naturally appear "odd" or "funny" to others. People will stare, giggle or whisper some c. . .

Opposite Attracts Laughter!

The secret in comedy writing is association. Let's see how this technique of association generates hilarious result. By association, means by pairing or combining thoughts, images or even words together.The most popular and obvious form of association in comedy is INCONGRUITY; by pairing of opposites or contrasts. Like fat and thin, black and white, new and ancient and the list goes on. By juxt. . .

Let's Associate With Funny Stuff

The two main phrases in comedy writing are: "what if" and "anything goes". They are catalysts for generating funny ideas."What if" challenges your imagination and "anything goes" takes you beyond your imagination. With the combination of these two key stimulants, you will ultimately create a funny idea.Now let's take a look at the thinking process behind the creation of a funny idea. Employing . . .

The Girl of Friday

A centuries-old mystery has crossed my path again ...I mentioned in a recent article that there was a dispute in many academic quarters regarding the actual Viking deity being honored by the name, 'Friday.' The cold, hard fact is that unless someone unearths a runic stone that confirms the issue --- and that's not likely --- only a preponderance of circumstantial evidence is going to carry the . . .

Bumper Stickers Make a Statement

If you've ever found yourself inching up on the car in front of you to read their bumper stickers, you're not alone. Bumper stickers are a means of proclaiming your views on life, politics, sports, your religious affiliation, and virtually any other arena. Whether you want the world to know you support your local school, your hometown sports team, or a certain politician, bumperstickers can be . . .

Ettiquette

EtiquetteEtiquette – such a pretty word. The very sound of it is classy – the kind of word you’d take home to meet Mother for a spot of tea and scones! Even its look, when written down is so “haute chic”. It must be good.There are many forms of etiquette. Here are just a few I prepared earlier.Wedding Etiquette: Don’t tell the bride your invitation never came – just assume she already knows an. . .

A Curious Contraception

It was only the other day that I learnt that the first recorded use of contraception was in 2000BC by the Egyptians. I can't say why I learned the fact, just as I can't fathom out why I still know the words to "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" twenty years or so after its release. These things seep into the brain and stick like chewing gum to a sock there to annoy one for all time. But try to remember . . .

Funny T-shirts - Give the Gift of Laughter

It used to be that knowing a good joke or one-liner was the way of giving the gift of laughter. It still is. But, for those of us who have a hard time remembering jokes or coming up with our own, we have turned to wearing funny t-shirts in order to deliver this gift. Now, the gift of laughter has many faces. The gift can be sharing a joke with another human being or it can be enjoyed solely by . . .

Return to Eden; It is Not What we Remembered!

Return To Eden; Is It What We Remembered, Or Not?A Man Approaches. A Fearsome Gaunt Figure Stands At The Ready On What Seems To Be An Innocent Wooded Path. A Sword Of Fabulous Light Is Drawn Casting Its Perimeter Into Shadows. It Is Dusk And The Man Does Not Hesitate Armored In Only An Irish Cable Knit Sweater, Lee Jeans, A Leather Vest Crafted In Pakistan, And Leather Sneakers. The Messenger O. . .

Applause for the Jerk Drain!

The Hidden Benefit of Canada's continuing brain drainThese days, Canadians often lament the brain drain. There is a silver lining however.What about the jerk drain? With every Air Canada plane load of brains departing Canadian shores,there are a gaggle of jerks amongst them. In a drunken slur they demand, "Get me another double honey!,"on their flights to London, Tokyo, and Los Angeles. Good. . .

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (NY)

BROOKLYN, NY - It was discovered, last Monday, that a tree has grown in Brooklyn, NY. Amazed residents stared dumbfounded at the three-year-old sapling. Two girls discovered the North American Honey Birch (Honeyus Bircheus) on the way to school."At first I thought, like, it was just a tall weed," Melissa Hanes, 15, said, "then I, like, looked closer and I realized it looked kinda, like, similar. . .

"They" Are Finally Revealed

DENVER, CO - In a stunning development "They" have finally been revealed. As the source of incredible amounts of information, sometimes true and sometimes not, "They" are considered the experts in almost all fields. Comments like "They say to do this," and, "They say that's not good for you," are finally able to have the noun to go with the pronoun. "Know it all"s all over the world can now bre. . .

Compromised Positions

There is no denying that the sports business these days is awash in bright lights ...Quite often, though, the same can't be said for the people or practices involved.The passage of time, the fading of origins and the constant superseding of slang can combine to cause some curious contemporary contexts.To start, have you ever really thought about how pedantic the word 'quarterback' is? When the . . .

Sweet Trap

Last week, I came across a voice chat room, which was full of impressive nicknames. From the beginning, I started to notice an Asian female because of her appealing voice and her interesting way of telling love stories. “It must be a very cute girl”, I thought.She was a talent storyteller. I kept wondering how she could master almost everything about our male world as if she was a writer of Ask. . .

Thank You For Your Patience

Thank You For Your Patience (We’ll Be With You As Soon As Possible)How many times have you heard that when you make a phone call? A phone call about something absolutely vital to your current state of mind? A matter of utmost importance to the nation’s welfare - nay - the WORLD’S!! (All right, that may be a bit exaggerated - but hey, I’m annoyed!)It seems that every corporation, government depa. . .